Our road to baby number two

Pregnancy journeys are not easy and they can be so different for each pregnancy. On my first baby we were very lucky to fall pregnant after less than 2 months. At that point I thought that was our norm. I was so naive to think that on number two, it would be just as easy. After all, everyone seems to say that you are more likely to conceive after having had a baby.

So when we didn’t fall pregnant after a few months I began to stress. Trying to conceive is such a rollercoaster of emotions. The hope every month, analysing every tiny feeling, the constant googling of early pregnancy symptoms, convincing yourself this month is different then the disappointment when your period arrives or you get a negative test and it all starts again.

I think what makes it worse is constantly trying to figure out what is different this time. Afraid to plan ahead in case you get pregnant. You can’t have a drink or an extra cup of tea out of fear that it will make things harder. Not feeling like you can talk to people as it’s a taboo topic. Your life gets put on hold and all you see is pregnant women everywhere.

I always envisioned having more than one. I remember the comments of “at least you have one”. You are so lucky. I felt lucky looking at my happy toddler but longed to have another baby. To give him the joy and comfort of a sibling to grow up with. But the guilt was always there, why was he not enough? Why am I so stressed about this?

6 months is the official window where they expect you to get pregnant on number 2, so when we passed that I began to panic. I tried some natural remedies like Accupuncture but at 9 months I decided to get some blood tests. It was really upsetting to see the term “secondary infertility” stamped on your form. An official label for our little rollercoaster.

Everything was fine but my thyroid was slightly elevated. My GP put me on medication and within 6 weeks our little miracle happened. I always wonder what would have happened had I got the bloods done first and not feared the news. Was that the reason we could finally get off that 11 month long rollercoaster? Or was it all just luck?

I am so delighted to say our little miracle is getting stronger every day and at 25 weeks pregnant I finally have the courage to write this blog. What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger, and our journey has definitely made me stronger and more importantly given me perspective. It has given me an idea of what other couples on longer rollercoasters go through, helped me understand the impact of the words we use and given me the courage to talk about what it’s been like.

If we can lift the stigma attached to these rollercoasters it might one day help us be more open about our own struggles, which it turn will hopefully prevent that feeling of loneliness and isolation. But that will only happen one story at a time.