To sleep train or not…..

With our first little boy I was paranoid about sleep. Afterall a bad days sleep ALWAYS translates into a bad night for me. And when you are breast feeding you are doing every night wake, already sleep deprived and then you know you have a bad night coming your way, it’s almost impossible to avoid the fear. So I had him sleeping in his cot during a fairly set daytime routine and self settling at night. We did a bit of cry it out (for a day) but he took to sleeping in his cot quite well. Eventually he became a champion self settler to the point where we put him down, after his night routine and leave the room. He would usually just fall asleep very naturally.

For our second boy, things are a little different. He is not as routined (primarily because his older brother wakes him half the time and we have to work around his brothers schedule) and all his naps are in my arms. He is not great at napping in the car (unlike our oldest), in the buggy (very unlike our oldest) and never took to side lying feeding which was my main way of up getting his older brother to sleep in the cot.

I have struggled this time more than ever at the thought of “sleep training” or really I should say getting into a solid sleep routine for a number of reasons.

1. It’s so much harder to get a routine that works for two kids

2. I am panicking at the thought of cry it out as there is so much negativity about it. Talking about how it damages a very fragile child’s brain (sorry son 1 but I can’t go back!). So I don’t want him to cry it out at all.

3. I know how short lived this phase is and I do love our sleepy snuggles.

So based on that alone, I should probably just keep going the way I am going. However there are definitely many negatives to our current routine.

1. He is sleeping every 1.5 to 2 hours, meaning I get little done inbetween.

2. All his naps are with me during the week so he doesn’t settle well for other people including his daddy meaning I get very little rest at the weekends and daddy gets very little baby time.

3. When I am napping him in my arms in our room (trying to get used to day naps in the bedroom) I have to leave his older brother by himself downstairs

4. His older brother gets very little mummy time as I am napping or feeding his brother for most of the time we have together

5. I am physically exhausted, getting sick way more and struggling to keep going in general

If I don’t look after myself more I will continue getting sick which is hard for everyone and reduces my time with my boys in general.

Is it really fair on my older son to have to put up with getting no mummy time? Since his brothers arrival I have felt our bond loosen and he has become a real daddy’s boy. Something I have really struggled with, it’s impossible not to be jealous of his daddy. If I don’t make a change to our current routine how am I meant to get more time with his older brother?

So what’s the right answer? What do I do? Quite honestly I have no idea. But I will continue doing my best to spread my time out. I don’t think there is ever a right answer to these questions. I just have to trust my instincts and do my very best. As one things for sure, I love my boys!

Our sleepy snuggles

4 months: there is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture

I have had this post in draft for 6 weeks now. Written at one of the worst points in my sons 4 month sleeo regression. I am a firm believer in not sugar coating parenthood. Its hard! Amazingly rewarding watching a little human that’s half you and half the man you love grow, but it’s still super hard. So I thought it’s only right to post this blog in its original form. 🙂

I sit here running on empty, no sleep for days and think to myself, surely it wasbt this bad with my first boy. I looked back on my own advice shared about surviving the 4 month sleep regression with my first born here. I was impressed with my own wise words and equally amazed at how positive I was in the post. I quickly remembered I wrote it after the event. When I had finally gotten some sleep back. But when you are in the thick of it, it’s so different.

My second born boy entered the dreaded 4 month sleep regression 1 week and 5 days ago (not that I am counting). Unlucky for me this was perfect timing for hubby as he was away for the first week with work. So I have been managing this by myself.

Let me be honest, it’s horrendous!

A sample day for my boy involves me feeding, rocking, walking, feeding, soother, walking, rocking and more feeding just to get him down for one nap (he has 4 cat naps a day). My back is wrecked and this alone is exhausting. But it’s the night time that’s really hard.

It takes about 1.5 hours to get him down to bed (sometimes 2 hours). Last night he woke every 45 minutes while I was downstairs trying to eat and rest. I gave up and went to bed after the second wake up. He was down finally by 10 pm. He then woke every hour until 2, slept until 4.30 then every 30 mins until 6. At this point we are up for the day.

Breastfeeding makes it even harder as every wake up, rock and feed rests on me. Making the sound of your sleeping partner beside you all the more annoying. How come he gets to sleep when I am the one that’s broken, I am the one at the brink of an exhausted meltdown.

In the passed 1.5 weeks I have felt exhausted, stressed, broken, sore, sick and just like I want to cry (and have cried on 3 occasions) at random intervals. I have definitely felt sorry for myself.

But as hard as the days are and as long as the nights are, what gets me through is the little smiles, giggles and watching my son grow and develop. I keep reminding myself “this too shall pass” and when it’s really bad I try to find the bright side. Some day this little munchkin lying asleep in my arms will be too busy playing and running around with his big brother to stop and give me a cuddle. So I get myself in a comfy position and try and nap with baby napping in my arms (making sure I am in a safe position for baby).

This exhaustion will pass, but probably not before I “accidentally” push my sleeping husband out of the bed due to sleep envy. 😂